i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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