You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
