I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
