Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
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