I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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