Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
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I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
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He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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