dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
