I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
