NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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