If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
