i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
