Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
