End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
