I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
