Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize