Do you still have your period?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
