I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
thus making me awesome and them whores
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
