took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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