Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
