Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
