i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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