apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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