his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
