Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
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I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
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We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
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