dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
