tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
