My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
