I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
