woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
