Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
