she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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