'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
