Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
