so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
