why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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