No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
