i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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