life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize