he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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