It's Friday. Sex?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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