That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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