My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you didnt know i had herpes?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
