You just made me feel so damn special
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize