So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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