His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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