i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
