Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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