she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
