Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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