If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
