i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
