i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
