haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
