Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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