i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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