So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
