doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
