you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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