It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
