I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
