i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
you never un-have a 4some
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
