Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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