I'm sorry my penis didn't work
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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