i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
