I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
