I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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